11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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