I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
