shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
