I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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