I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
