I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
