Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My vagina is very pro this idea
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
