That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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