Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
