if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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