One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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