"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You smell like stripper and shame
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
