i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
