i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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