Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
