So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
