That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
