you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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