dude i'm inner monologue high
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
