I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
