We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
