I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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