i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize