I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
