he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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