if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
