So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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