Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
