I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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