My sheets look like a crime scene.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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