YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
