opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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