He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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