Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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