I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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