Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
