fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
