I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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