I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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