so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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