no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He felt like a one man threesome
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
