I am spending my child support on dildos
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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