talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
