Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
