saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
