I wish I could punch you in the face.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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