SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
my god I love twenty year old dicks
These tits shall not be calmed
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
