he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
one might say we're banned from that church
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
