While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
