I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
