Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
