absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
