im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
