im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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