i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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