do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
